Flexible
by jackwabbit
Summary: Gen, Humor, Simon/Jayne Friendship. No spoilers. Summary: Simon Learns A Little Life Lesson. Note: Written for the prompt of ‘shaving’ on ff Friday. And get your minds outta the gutter!


**Flexible**

Rated: PG-13

Category: Gen, Humor, Simon/Jayne Friendship.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Simon Learns A Little Life Lesson.

Note: Written for the prompt of 'shaving' on ff_Friday. And get your minds outta the gutter!

---

Simon Tam rarely sought midnight snacks, but he was as human as the next man, and something drove him to the mess tonight like iron to a magnet. Something an awful lot like a sweet tooth.

Protein paste just wasn't going to cut it tonight.

But as he entered the kitchen, a sight greeted him that was a complete surprise.

Jayne Cobb stood atop a makeshift ladder, and his left hand reached high above his head toward the top shelf in a group of cabinets. A small box seemed to be Jayne's goal, but it was just out of his reach. As Simon watched, transfixed, for a moment, Jayne stretched onto his tiptoes and managed to snag the box just as Simon realized what it was the mercenary was after.

Simon reacted before he had time to think. His usually elegant voice barked.

"Jayne!"

Jayne attempted to spin on his feet and whip the box behind his back like a kid caught with a hand in the cookie jar. Unfortunately, his makeshift stepstool was less than stable, and it proved unable to handle such an athletic maneuver.

It collapsed, and Jayne fell suddenly to the floor, still facing the cabinets. He didn't drop his cargo, but that cost him his balance. His chin smacked into the counter with a loud crack. He didn't lose consciousness, but a steady trickle of blood began to flow from a small cut on his chin.

Simon winced as Jayne cursed.

"Gorram it, Doc! What'd you have to do that for?"

Jayne stood, gingerly rubbing at his injury.

"Sorry," said Simon.

"No you ain't."

Simon shrugged. "Well, ok. Maybe not so much. What're you doing in here, anyway?"

Jayne shrugged back and attempted to hide the little box again, but Simon quickly did the math and realized what was going on.

"You're going to eat Kaylee's chocolate."

Jayne didn't bother to deny Simon's claim. "Not all of it. Just a little bit. Won't hardly notice any gone."

Simon seemed to consider something for a moment, and Jayne thought he was busted for sure. The doctor was always looking to impress Kaylee, and saving her precious stores of cocoa might go a long way in doing just that. Jayne was about to threaten Simon within an inch of his life when the young surgeon looked cautiously over his shoulder for a second and then leaned close to him.

Simon licked his lips once, then spoke to Jayne in a low voice.

"What if…"

Jayne's eyebrows knit together in concern, but he said nothing as Simon continued.

"What if… I don't tell anyone that you were in here after that… and you share a bit?"

Simon grinned wickedly. Jayne gaped at him for a full twenty seconds, but finally he grinned, too.

Then he nodded, sealing the deal.

Moments later, two spoons were licked clean of tastes of rich sweetness, and Kaylee's stash was returned to its hiding place more or less as it had been found.

Half an hour later, a mercenary and a physician slept soundly, urges for dessert satisfied.

XXX

Breakfast came early the next day, as it always did on _Serenity_.

Jayne was a few minutes late, and as he stumbled groggily to the table, Mal took one look at him and asked the question on everyone's mind.

"What happened to your face?"

Jayne's eyes grew wide for half a second, and he opened his mouth to speak, but he never got the chance.

Simon's voice cut across the table instead.

"Didn't you tell me you cut yourself shaving?"

Jayne grinned. "Oh, yeah. Cut myself shaving. Shaving. That's right."

Mal blinked at Jayne, not believing him for a second, but frankly not really all that interested in the mercenary. What piqued his interest more was at the other end of the table, and Mal found himself leveling his gaze on Simon within seconds. The doctor had just lied for Jayne.

Jayne.

The man who'd tried to turn him in on Ariel.

The man who'd endangered River in a more than a little serious way.

Jayne.

Simon's man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.

And suddenly Malcolm Reynolds grinned. He smiled like a cat that ate the canary and shoveled a huge hunk of what passed for oatmeal on board the ship into his mouth. The rest of the crew took his hint and let the topic of Jayne's new facial decoration fall silent.

Neither Jayne nor Simon ever changed their story, and no one ever learned the truth of that cut or the circumstances that surrounded it, but they all learned something very important that day. When it suited him, _Serenity's_ upstanding medic could be just full of shit as the rest of them. And while Mal was amused as hell about the lesson, even without knowing all the details, Simon was horrified.

It'd taken the promise of a whole lot of credits to influence Jayne's judgment.

For Simon, it had only taken a midnight taste of decadence.

But the chocolate had been awfully good, and Simon had to admit that he really didn't regret his actions as his eyes met Jayne's on the opposite end of the table. Jayne gave him the slightest nod of thanks. Simon returned it.

And two men, so very different at first look, realized they weren't so different underneath after all.

Funny how morality's flexible when a man's in need, ain't it?


End file.
